Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Deer in the headlights

is pretty much the expression on my face right now.

My appointment went well today. We even met a new doctor who rocked our world. This is awesome news seeing as how it's possible that I'm entrusting him with some of my most precious materials.

Up until the appointment, I had been feeling like my mind was just swirling around. Wrapping my head around the fact that I will soon be "mama" is much more intense than any contraction I've felt. Gary and I would talk at length about how we want to tackle parenthood, breastfeeding, how the house will be managed once little one arrives, etc.... I just felt like there was so much to say on the topic. Then, it happens....

The doctor looks at me today and says you have "only a few days left".

This is the point where all words escape you. This is the point where your jaw feels the cool of the tile floor.

Don't get me wrong. I am ecstatic to be meeting our little love very soon. I am beyond excited to hold our baby in my arms. I have gum drops and lollipops dancing around me. But being told, instead of surprised by labor, that you will soon meet your child is like being hit by a Mac truck.

I'm not nervous. I'm not unprepared. I'm not questioning my ability to mother. I'm realizing that as the 9 months of pregnancy go on it doesn't necessarily hit you that you're going to be a parent the way morning sickness hits those who had to endure that. This is a whole other spectrum, in a whole other galaxy.

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