Monday, January 4, 2010

Army induced thinking is a dangerous thing

Gary left at 4:30 this morning for a range, guess they wanted soldiers fresh from a 2 week leave to jump in with both feet. Anywho, Jake decided to get up at 5:30am, and, as he relieved my very full ta-tas, I realized this morning felt like Gary was deployed. We had spent every day together during leave. He'd either sleep in while I fed Jake breakfast, and then Jake & I would take our morning nap, or he'd get up with me and we'd watch some trashy morning judge show and get our day started. But, either way, he was here.

Today, he left before the sun came up, won't be home for lunch like he usually is, and will be back this evening. It's not a terrible setup. In fact, it's what the majority of families on the planet do every day. But, I still have that rain cloud hanging over me of the deployment we'll be seeing in just a few short months. So, as Jake fed, I couldn't help but to let out a few tears. Time just goes so fast. Even with Gary deploying around May-June (hopefully, not sooner!), it feels like it's tomorrow. I feel so excited thinking about days passing because Jake is growing so much each hour that passes. I can't wait to watch him roll over, become more independent, turn 1...but those things come at a price. It means that every day Jake grows is a day closer to Gary leaving. Now, I hope I don't sound cynical. That couldn't be further from who I am. I just wish we could all stay together, in the same country, under the same roof, and sleep in the same bed. It's a tough combination of feelings when you are so, so proud of your husband for taking wonderful care of his family and defending the country overseas, but so brokenhearted over knowing I won't be seeing him every single day. As Daniel Tosh jokes "Let's bring home the troops. Continue the war here...Soldiers should be able to sleep in their own beds, drive to war"

But, we know what we signed up for. We know that these are the hazards of military service. I sit here, while Jake takes his morning nap in his swing, and think that although things can get tough with the Army constantly pimping out my husband, I wouldn't change my life. I know that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. I know God is taking us exactly where we're supposed to be. I know Gary and I wouldn't be so happy if God hadn't given us a wonderful life to enjoy. I know we wouldn't sit there and joke and giggle and cuddle after we put Jake to bed if our life wasn't exactly what it should be.

But, to every crap salad there is a silver lining. True to my personality, I let out something that upsets me and then move on in the same breath. Because of that, I'm very happy to say that the Army has granted us the ability to always be very, very aware of the every day. We say "I love you" about 312 times a day. We hug, and kiss, and laugh. We enjoy each other. And, this doesn't just apply to me and Gary. Jake is obviously part of all of that. And, we couldn't be happier.

I love stories with a happy ending.

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