Sunday, February 14, 2010

Parenthood vs. Adulthood

I've been realizing that these two 'hoods are not, necessarily, one in the same. In fact, they can be two different worlds entirely, that coexist.

Because of the best invention ever, my glorious Netflix, I've been watching different shows I've never seen & movies we didn't catch in theater. One of the shows I came across was Cashmere Mafia. It's basically a weaker version of Sex and the City. I'm still not sure how I feel about it; it's just filled with enough drama that my time on the elliptical just flies by.


One couple on there is supposed to be this New York power couple. Fab clothes, expensive cars, & every other means of not just "keeping up with the Jones'" but actually being Mr. & Mrs. Jones. Well, the husband of this couple has had several affairs. It gets to the point where the wife has had enough & is considering cheating on him to get even, & mulling over the option of the big "D" word. It's this whole going back & forth about their relationship, but their daughter is still doing her teenage thing. Still has school functions, does dumb stuff on the internet....the usual. This is what got me thinking.

When you're a kid, the world revolves around you (Ok, in your toddler years there's this thing called egocentrism where the child doesn't have the cognitive ability to realize there's a whole world of happenings, thoughts, opinions etc. outside their immediate situation. Basically, they think everyone around them shares their same thoughts. Don't you just hate adults like that? I mean, when young children do it it's outside their control, but adults that do it? ugh, gag me. But, I digress...) You don't realize that your parents have things going on outside you. They are supposed to give you lunch money, shuttle you from school to soccer practice to the birthday party to home, scoot over in bed when you have a bad dream, make dinner, help you with your science project, quiz you on your spelling words, take you shopping for the homecoming dress....---OK, revoke my parenting license, I'm tired from TYPING that list---
But, there are issues parents deal with that are adult issues. They pay the mortgage, want to get together with friends, want time as a couple, need vacations, hope the car doesn't break down, etc. etc. etc. It's just funny, for lack of a better word, that kids do not realize all this goes on while everything around them happens, rather than after.

In our opinion, kids should be that way. Kids, of course, need not be big fat turds & think the world revolves around them, but should not be concerned with their parents' finances. They should be able to be a kid, and not just because a number dictates, but because a mentality dictates. They should be able to worry about kid stuff. They should be able to look back when they're I don't know, say 25, & think "so, that sleepover was THAT big a deal?" Then laugh and laugh at the thought that your world was that small.

I've never been one to place labels. Meaning, I'm not one to say over here is my wife/mama existence & over there is my accountant/housekeeper/chef/yoga lover/former bad-ass soccer goalie/elliptical advocate/scrapbooking queen/laughter lover existence. To me, it's all the same. I'm wife & mama. I'm a 25 year old woman (whiskey.tango.foxtrot by the way). I'm a house-cleaner-upper. I run a laundromat.....I'm all rolled into one. I don't need to exclude something to feel that I've been true to myself as just Samantha. It's Samantha that decided to become wife, then mama, then multitasking-extraordinaire. I mention that because I heard a pregnant woman say that after her baby was born she was going back to work because she "didn't want to make her life all about her kids" As thrilled as I'm sure her kids will be to hear that, it's her opinion & I'll respect it, but I don't understand why there has to be that division. The issues of adulthood & the issues of parenthood will not always be the same, but they will always overlap. I'm picturing this giant Venn Diagram. The parts of the circles that overlap will, ultimately, be your life. You make sure the mortgage is paid so that your family has a roof over their head. You make sure to routinely service the car so that your kid doesn't miss out on their extracurriculars. You take vacations to take a time out from running around, find your bearings, & get to know each other even better.

Gary & I remind each other of the things we like that our parents did, the things we hate, the things we want to improve upon, the things we wish they knew, basically we talk about the ways to make Jake as well-rounded as possible, to never make him feel that we are so much older that we cannot remember how hard & confusing adolescence can be, to let him know we've been there & will help him through it all. That no matter what we're taking care of at the moment, or what category it's from, he'll have two people he can always rely on. So, even though it feels like adults have a ton of crap on their plates, it's equivalent to what kids are dealing with at any given age. It all matters. It's all a balance. It's not parenthood vs adulthood, it's parenthood and adulthood.

Call me wife, call me mama, call me wicked awesome---which is just straight true, call me a cook, call me a doctor, call me whatever I am at the moment. It doesn't mean I'm less of myself because I have that title, it makes me happier because I have that title.. It's just another thing to add to my resume as a human being. I'm all of it & I'm in love with all of it. My two men are my world, & they're in love with their funny, goofy, sometimes-snorts-when-she-laughs, incredible listener, workout loving, self-helping (etc etc etc) wife & mama. That's enough for me <3

Oh, and mom, sorry about those teen years.

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