Monday, March 22, 2010

And the Best Actress goes to...

Samantha LaMay, in A Woman who Pretends to have Strength...

Many of my close friends have been telling me how strong I am, and I thank you guys sooo much for such a great compliment! :) I just don't feel deserving of it; I feel like I'm masquerading as someone who can handle this Army crap.

When Gary told me last night that he wouldn't be back until early Friday morning, it was the whole last straw on the camel's back thing. Last weekend, when J & I didn't have anything specific to do, I got to feeling pretty lonely. It's sooo quiet in our house. All I wanted was for my tall-drink-of-water to come walking through the door. What kept me relatively sane was knowing he'd be home in a few days, late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. So, with this push back to early Friday morning I wanted to say f*ck. this. sh*t.

I guess these feelings can be expected in the last few days. We're just ready for it to be over. Soo many women are going through this exact thing, and I'd call them strong. Me? Nope. That has 0 logic, but my good friends & my amazing hubby continue to tell me otherwise. I think I'm just an incredible actress who missed her calling ;)

I deal with it because I have to deal with it. I cuddle Gary's mini-me. I do daily chores. I blog at night, when J's in bed, because it's my release, when Gary & I can't have our late night talks. All this stuff helps me pass the time. So I feel like I owe any "strength" to distractions, than to an innate aspect of my personality that says BRING IT, Army. Bring it. I got this.

When I was a goalie, I almost dared someone to come into my box. Step into my house and you're gonna be run down. Guarantee. I feel like that is strength--and that's probably because I invited that challenge. But, the Army is a challenge I deal with because I have to, definitely not because I want to. Wait...we chose this?!? What kind of dumb idea was this?? Well, I'm definitely not going into our reasons for being in the Army...but they were well thought out.

Anywho, I want to thank all those good friends who remind me to keep going, that I can keep going--no matter what the driving force is. I will chalk up some of my "strength" to knowing I have a son & husband who love me more than anything, so I'll get up and handle the day to day for them. There's not one thing I wouldn't do for those men.

But, I won't hate if you ladies keep sending me texts/emails, phone calls too, keeping me afloat. Hintedy hint hint....

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