Thursday, April 1, 2010

Grateful

Needless to say, I've been pretty pumped about having to go out and run errands. Jake is excited to do just about anything, the weather is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s, and THE NEW CAR!!

As J and I headed out, I got to thinking about just how happy I was to be running errands. I'm so grateful to be doing what I'm doing. I get to be with my boy alll day--which includes playdates, cuddle time, leisurely walks etc etc etc, I get to make baby food (and blog about it!), I get to make dinner and blankets and scrapbooks....I'm Martha-freakin'-Stewart, minus the jail time.

Not to say that I'm always thrilled about things like making dinner, but it's a beautiful thing. I love that Gary is excited for dinner because it's just. that. good. I love that a buddy of his said he wanted to marry me for my monkey bread. I love that when Jake is older I'll be able to recount every move his sweet little body ever made. I'm so grateful for this. I'm also aware that I probably sound like we're a family trying to emulate the times of Lucy Ricardo. Gary loves it, too. He loves to feel taken care of, who doesn't?

My mom tells me about that one time I said I was not having any kids. I think I was around 13. I have no recollection of this, but I remember feeling something similar. I remember feeling what a pain it was to be the oldest of 4 kids sometimes. My internal monologue must have been something like a chant of "leave me alone...KNOCK FIRST....leave me alone....KNOCK FIRST...PUT DOWN THE SEAT -I JUST FELL IN" This never drove me to truly feel like I didn't want kids, or that I'd be some "career woman" in spite of it, but just drove me crazy in those instances. Now, those 3 boys I grew up with are becoming men and mean more to me than I thought possible. There's Colin, 13, who always makes sure he's treated like an equal--not the youngest. There's Patrick, 17, whose factoid knowledge would astound Ken Jennings (seriously, if you're ever on Cash Cab, use him as your mobile shout out). There's Kevin, 22, who is the perfect combination of "I'll beat your ass" and "Give me a hug, which I'll turn into a humping session so the moment isn't too sappy"

As a mama, I'm able to think back at seeing my brothers as wee babes and think how crazy it is now that they're grown. I love when we have those conversations where we really get into something and I can learn even more about them. I love that Gary & I had a houseful of testosterone during Christmas, and I don't think we stopped laughing once.

I think about how Jake will be a big brother. I know he'll be close with his sibling(s) because that's the code. The code states that you must always have your sibling's back--no matter the consequence, and you ALWAYS cover for them with your parents. When Kevin and I were told to brush our teeth before bed we'd go in there, put toothpaste on our tongue and then congratulate ourselves on having such cunning minds. This sounds nuts, but I can't wait for Jake to have that. I can't wait to tell our kids their birth story every single birthday. I can't wait to hear their teeny feet running to our bedroom on Christmas morning. I can't wait to show them that Gary and I will always be their safety net, without being overbearing---that would make us monstrous hypocrites, no?? ;)

I'm so grateful my husband not only supports me being a stay at home mama, but enjoys it. We enjoy that dynamic. I love that he wants to be the provider, the breadwinner, the protector, the one who takes care of his family. He loves that I want to be here when he gets home, that I want to be his sounding board, that he knows he's coming home to someone just anticipating his arrival. And, if our dynamic is to change--like, I need to get a job--that'll be fine, too. The important thing is to find our balance, our routine. And, we're blessed enough to have one we really really like. We love knowing that we're devoting our selves to one another in such complementary ways.

More than a couple times, I've entertained the idea of grad school. I had the grades for it, and I definitely have the drive for it, but as Paula and I figured out (she's in grad school for counseling, so I know what we figured out is right! ;) ), I just want to know I can get in. I want to apply, be accepted, and then never attend a class. We think that once I started, I'd be so sad because I'd have homework to do and I couldn't devote my days to my boys. As if a BS in psychology is so sub-par ;) I use that degree every single day, but the payment I get is worth so much more than any amount of money.

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