Tuesday, May 18, 2010

If I only knew

The first couple weeks to a month following Jake's arrival was a whirlwind. It wasn't super difficult, but, obviously, different than anything I'd ever experienced (Hey... I did say "obviously", people! :) ) Things flew through my new-mama-mind because my lazy,I-graduated-college-already, nap-loving self had the equivalent of the atomic bomb dropped onto my lap (or should I say boob?) in the form of the cutest 7 lbs 8.4 oz this world has ever known.

Today, I was thinking about some of those things that ran through my mind & thought I'd share:
*I was positive (bold, italicized, & I wish I could put it in lights) I'd never shower again. The first two weeks after Jake was born, Gary had leave, so we worked out a rather nice system. But, once he went back to work I thought "Oh, Lord. FML....I'm going to be the smelly mom in Walmart"

*I was positive I was doomed to never fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans ever. again. After about a week of being home (& after taking a few days to be able to walk the way God intended...thanks, unplanned c/s!), & the belly still looked around 5 months pregnant, I'd lost all hope. Yep, it took me 5 months to show I was pregnant, so you can imagine the unhappiness when there was no baby in there! Of course, I can probably chalk up those melodramatics to being ever so sleepy.

*This is an addition to the first bullet: But, I thought I'd never be able to get ready to go anywhere by myself. I had moved on from worrying about showering for showering's sake, but wondered how in the world a mom EVER goes about becoming presentable was beyond my scope of understanding. Ya see, I LIKE getting ready & I LIKE picking out clothes from my closet. How was I to ever do anything now that we had a baby?!?!

*Going out with a baby?! Assuming I'd gone into the Bermuda Triangle to find the art of showering AND getting ready while having an infant, how the h-e double hockey sticks was I to carry said baby into any establishment that wasn't progressive enough to have some form of baby-valet?? I was sure I'd missed some sort of class, or missed the lecture from the childbirth class when Gary & I played hooky, which instructed you on proper I-have-a-baby-in-public decorum.

*I would swear up and down that I'd never know what it was like to sleep in our bed again. Jake only liked the pack 'n play at first (there's more to that story, but nothing I feel like going into), which was downstairs & with him getting up every few hours, we needed a TV to help keep us awake (we DO NOT believe a TV belongs in the bedroom), hence the downstairs. We rode the couch for a good two weeks. Luckily, our couches are comfy &, even though Gary & I have the most amazing bed EVAH, we're not picky.

*How is a mom to go about doing laundry, making dinner, general chores....Wait, let's start smaller: how is a mom to go about brushing teeth, eating herself, seeing three dimensional people other than her husband & her son??

I think back on all the things that only sheer confusion can thrust upon a new mama, & think ahh, how adorable was I?? (hopefully, you all know that was sarcasm!) I mean, I remember babies from when my brothers were little, but it's a whole different ballgame when everything is up to YOU! Seriously, it was not as bad as it felt. It was just this overwhelming urge to make sure this little love bundle you brought into the world had everything they'd ever need & want. I wanted to do everything so perfectly by him. But, I think that's your initiation into motherhood. Wondering if you'll ever make sense of things again combined with utter, dire love and devotion. That's an effing intense cocktail right there.

Thankfully, everything in my 'list from hell' has long since been rectified, & sanity has resumed for just as long. But, I'm pretty sure I'm not solo in everything I thought! I know me & the hubs would wonder if it was EVER going to get manageable, but it, along with my 'list from hell' & sanity, has all been taken care of for quite some time. Thank the Lord!!

Today, I looked at my husband & our little man at Chuck E Cheese & could not ever imagine anything different.


Erin said...

I thought the same things. I really thought I couldn't shower unless someone else was there. And then I thought of deployments and thought I wouldn't be able to shower for months!

Miss Fit said...

Ah, I remember those days! New follower from FMBT!