Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pulling the goalie

Should I allow you to jump to conclusions? :::leisurely drums fingers on table, in sinister manner:::

Nah, I got too much to say

Lately, when I look at Jake, sometimes, it's hard to see baby. He's so grown up, such a sweetheart, soooo effing smart (which, I'm learning, presents a parenting challenge). He's becoming more independent, which makes it seem like time went by that much faster. I look at pictures from when he was an itty, bitty babe all up in my nook
and now for one where he's not having a serious dream

Our teeny, tiny baby is now a grown-ass man, who's going to be asking for the keys, and introducing us to a lucky lady who's very special to him.

No. It's NOT dramatic. Why do you keep saying that?!

((seriously, I crack myself up...))

But, really. He's 9 months old. Nine whole months. I love that he's found a balance between retaining his independence and still reaching up for me, just so he can lay his head on my chest. I LOVE that! Or, when he cranks his neck back, so he can see over the back of his carseat, to watch me as I drive. He gets these little forehead wrinkles when he looks up that are thee most effing precious thing any of you will ever see. All of that stuff makes my heart go pitter-pat.

This deployment affects us, too. Jake & I are holding down the fort for Gary. We have to work as a team. And, even though many say a baby takes far more than they give, they give you much more than you imagine. The first thing I hear every morning is Jake cooing (he's recently discovered how much he loves his wall letters and talks to them quite a bit!), the first thing I see, besides my mane overcoming my entire dome, is that beautiful, dimply smile. I pick him up, and the first thing I feel is that little baby hug. He does a pretty good job of keeping me all warm 'n fuzzy until his daddy gets home to help out with that :::lifeisgood:::

One thing my adorable hubby asked before he left was "When I get home [for good] are we having another baby?" He's wayyy too cute! The answer? Negatory, morning-glory. We decided we don't want to get pregnant again until J's about 2 or 3, probably 2 ideally. But, the draw is always there. Not to say we're perfect parents (but, really, we're pretty close), but it's such a HUGE reassurance when you think back on all those things that scared the bajesus out of you and know that you now know how to handle yourself. You know how naps work, what bedtime routine is best for you, that the beginning is tiresome, how breastfeeding feels, what baby gear you ACTUALLY need....

You've made sense of it. And, even though every child is different, you "get it" now. My friend Paula, mother of 4, said "Yah, once you have the first one, the rest are all easy. You've already rearranged your life to accommodate the baby; the rest come naturally" Love that!

Also? Oh, Lord, seeing my husband as a father. Words cannot describe how I feel when I see moments like thisI couldn't even describe my love for this man PB (pre-baby...duh). Now? Seriously speechless. Seeing my giant husband handle our baby in the most gentle way sends me to places I can't describe. But, not in the fireworks/KY commercials kind of way (which I could see why that would be confusing given the title of this post). In the my-heart-can't-get-any-bigger-type-way. My friend A-dawg (Ashley, for short) told me about this feeling. She warned me. She told me how my heart would borderline leap out of my chest seeing my husband and our baby together. I didn't heed her warning too well. I still feel blindsided.

Now, I understand how I see women look at Jake and their uterus glows. There's nothing like a freshly-squeezed babe to make you all melty. Is this the double-edged sword of parenthood? To be all "this tiny babe fits in the palm of my hand! AWWWW" then, "Can't wait 'til he talks, so I can know all the stuff he's been saying to me!"

Happy medium, anyone? No? CRAP.

So, even though the goalie remains intact, we could never forget that special warmth that comes from an infant, or how amazing it is to see Jake grow. Love having babies with that wonderful guy I married, even if he has dominant genes ;) Jake *does* have my smile! Love ya, hubby :)

But, really, the uterus shuts down at 30.

1 comment:

Alena said...

You should TOTALLLLY pull the goalie. :P

It is hard, especially now that I feel better. I have the "lets have another baby ache". But we have our plan...and so we're sticking to it damn it!