Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Dearest, Telemarketer

Well, aren't you just my cherry on top? I spend my days playing with the cutest 9 month old baby evah, I find the positives of shotty situations, I keep my head up when all I want to do is head over to pitypartyville. I get to play all day, laugh my hiney off when my child WILL NOT stop talking in Target, and feel my heart bursting with gratitude for my husband, my boy, my life.

Then, you call.

And, act like a hardcore asswipe.

Necessary? I say "Nay".

This conversation, should have gone much differently. And, had I been within arm's reach, you'd be missing some of your favorite appendages

:::phone rings:::
~I spring into action, thinking it could be my hubby~
Me: Hello?
(all hopeful-like)
~I hear a recording, telling me to stay on the line. Now? I'm just staying to see who had a death wish this particular day~
Asswipe: Yes, is Mike there?
Me: (In my I-don't-hate-you-but-I'm-not-thrilled-voice. I really wasn't rude) Wrong number. But, it's ridiculous you're calling after 8 o'clock

Asswipe: Umm, ma'am, is that supposed to hurt my feelings? Really. It's just a wrong number, not that big a deal

Are you looking for my shit, too? Cuz I lost it.

Me: Actually, it is that big a deal when you have a sleeping baby, DOUCHEBAG.

end scene

((I have never so clearly enunciated a word as I did when I delivered "douchebag" to that douchebag.

Also, he didn't know that Jake can sleep through a hurricane. But, it was his lack of giving a shit that realllly got to me. I try to be polite, and nice all the time. I don't like being all I'll kill you if I have to. But, if there had been some sort of empathy in his voice, he would not have received such an insult. AHH, KEVIN....the PERFECT SONG for this!!!!

Seriously, telemarketer, why did you have to be that way? When I make the best out of far worse situations than YOU. You have to come along & be that final straw across the camel's back. Now, it's unfortunate, but I wish a plague upon your house. But, you brought this upon yourself.

Now, what did you learnnn???

1 comment:

Erin said...

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!! I cannot believe he talked to you like that!!