Sunday, July 25, 2010

Growing pains

Today, Jake & I headed to the mall. I definitely needed to get out of the house, since I haven't been able to hear from Gary since the shot heard 'round the world and I needed to stop fixating on that.

What would make any girl feel better? Old Navy, naturally.

So, I pick up a few cute things, grab Jake a new onesie, but am just kind of perusing; we're in no hurry. I have him strapped to my chest in the mei-tai, and I'm carrying my purse & reusable shopping bag (I'm so good to the Earth). We meander in and out of a few more stores, but just window shop.


It is July. There is no school. And, because of this fact, I am nearly swallowed whole by many a cackling herd of young, teenage girls. Where are they all going so quickly? I know Jake & I had all the time in the world today, but these girls all walk as if there is some shepherd boy guiding them to the watering hole, where all teens in the mall are to congregate (I totally just flashed on Mean Girls).

I remember this. I remember those feelings that 15 year old girls have and I don't envy them one bit. I don't envy the need to speed walk lest you seem unsure of yourself, ultimately leading to some sort of embarrassment (like, duh). I don't envy being unsure of what looks good on me, what styles *I* like. I don't envy the utter confusion you feel at that age as to what's going to happen to you in your life, where you're going to go, who you're going to become.

I remember, when I starting being aware of the things my mom did as an adult, I dreaded did not look forward to leaving adolescence. Every now and again, I'd see my mom sit down at her desk, her fingers gliding over the calculator, like it was an extension of her own hand, as she balanced the checkbook. I'd see her cut coupons. I'd hear her talk about sales. Her & my dad would discuss getting the oil changed, who takes who to what practice, and when the dogs would be taken to the vet. Every now and again, I remember thinking "Eff my future life....there's so much to do!".

Now that I'm here, it's not so bad. You have things you have to do, and you just do them. Do we love the car payment and student loan payment every month? Not so much, but it's all just part of it. Instead of looking at the student loan payment as nails on a chalkboard, I think how grateful I am that no one can take that degree from me. And, the car payment? It's not a leech to our bank account, it's safer transportation for me and baby boy, & Gary, when the Army says we can have him (& yes, I totally have my days where I'm definitely not "together"!!)! But, and sometimes it's still true today, looking at the big picture, all at once, can seem super daunting.

Nope, I don't envy those kids wondering how things will pan out. Even though Gary, Jake, & I may end up, just about, anywhere at least, now, I know whatever comes our way isn't going to be the scary crapstorm adolescence can suggest it to be!

1 comment:

Mama Hen said...

Thank you for your sweet comment today! We had so much fun! Make sure to stop by tomorrow and see pictures! :)
When my daughter and I go to the beach she always asks me why the people are naked. Well, I also wonder why teens are wearing close to nothing. I see them smoking and a little too close to other teens (kissing) and I instantly think "homeschool"! It bothers me to see so many teens today so advanced in many ways and I wish I could protect my daughter from this. I think that being a teen these days really has a lot of stress and pressure. This then adds stress to parents who want to keep their children safe. This was a good post. Have a good night!

Mama Hen