Friday, September 10, 2010

If you don't have anything nice to say...

This old adage still rings true. Unfortunately, a friend of mine ran into some people who don't believe this.

My friend, Whitney--who is sweet as pie, was recently berated for something we all want: Her husband is not currently deployed. Some classless, petty, complete POS people--if I'm completely honest, had the audacity to tell her that her husband is not a real soldier because he is not deployed.

When Whitney told me this, so many emotions ran through me. Who are these women to say such things? Whitney's husband is serving the country. There was no draft. He signed on the dotted line of his own free will. Not to mention, he LOVES his job. The Army is where he wants to be. He takes pride in it.

As hurtful as the words that passed through the lips of those women can be, to me, it's about the fact that they were trying to knock Whitney down a peg, all the while calling themselves "friends". Sorry, but, in my book, friends don't act this way.

OK, say you agree with their statement? I can hardly imagine a scenario where it's acceptable to say those things to the wife of the man in question. If someone had said that about my husband? I'd cut a bitch. And, I know Whitney wanted to!

How does their statement even make sense? So, the day my husband steps off the plane, in redeployment, that means he clocks out as a "true soldier"? Umm, no. Because what do they do between deployments?? PREP FOR THE NEXT ONE.

Some people are unbelievable. I still can't believe these women went after Whitney and her husband maliciously. It wasn't a simple difference of opinion that someone had big enough ovaries to say aloud. The words were intended to sting. And, that is ridiculous.

I have been thinking, and actually vocalized this with someone recently who feels the same, that there would be a lot more camaraderie when we moved on post. Total Army Wives style. But, people just kind of stick to their own thing, which I can understand--not trying to knock it, but finding those Army wives you click with is not guaranteed simply because your husband is a soldier. I know a couple people that have needed to unload on me, and I was happy to be their for them, but then hightail it out of there when the situation is reversed. Erin and I like to refer to them as "friendship bootycalls". Either way, you find people where the caring is reciprocal and you're eternally grateful for them. I know, I wouldn't trade those people for anything.

I talked about this situation with Erin, knower of pretty much all things :-), and she brought up a good point; If Whitney's husband were evading deployment, in the same way those awful soldiers who go out and get pregnant just so that they can escape The Sandbox, yes, he would earn a bad word or two toward him. But, he's not. He simply hasn't come up on orders.

((GOSSIP ALERT: When Gary was getting ready for deployment #2, some awful excuse for a human being, who happened to be a soldier, proudly proclaimed that she would go out and get pregnant by whomever she chose, than "get rid of it" after everyone had left for Iraq. She was evading Iraq. She's also, apparently, an idiot because she said that in front of people with rank. I'm not sure how that situation panned out, but those are the type of people I'm talking about when I say "awful"))

As much as it lit my fire for Whitney and her husband to have to be subjected to those kinds of words, I guess we'll all run into people like that on occasion. The type of people that have to drag someone else down to build up their own ego. It's so unfortunate. And, whomever's on the receiving end of those words will take a couple minutes to gather themselves, maybe shed a tear or two that someone tried to bring them down, but will get back up. We all do. We all survive momentary brushes with ugliness.

Whitney knows she has good people around her. She doesn't let undeserving people take up too much of her time. I'm so proud of her for that. Encountering disappointment is sad, but we all rise up from it. We dust off our knees and learn a lesson from where we just were.

Just because things aren't what we has envisioned, or assumed, doesn't mean they're not good for us. We find good elsewhere :-)

But, really, people....if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything AT ALL.


Mama Hen said...

You are so right about not saying something if it isn't nice. What a thing to say to someone! That was very hurtful and a ridiculous statement! I am a teacher and I am not teaching right now. Does that mean I am not a teacher? You are a good friend to be upset and to say something about this. You are so right about not saying something if it isn't kind. Thank you for your warm wishes. My daughter is feeling much better today! Have a good night!

Mama Hen

Erin said...

Well, you already know my opinion :) But seriously, I know people that actively try to get out of deployments...those are the people that those meanies should be slaying their nasty words at.

Stephanie said...

Oh boy!!! Can't believe people would be so mean, well actually I can because I have heard my fair share of rude remarks. C has been in the army for 5 years and has been to 4 different places, then there are people who get the post they want and never deploy. It's pretty frustrating. We will see what happens once we get married, maybe they won't send him to a new duty station every year!

Daily Dose of Dahl said...

The thing that surprised me most about married military life was the lack of general support by the spouses. I get that everyone has their own thing going on but there's no reason we can't all be supportive and understanding. This life comes with it's own special set of stresses and situations. Why some feel the need to make it even more -- stressful, difficult, whatever -- mystifies me. Really. I hope your friend feels better soon. That was really rotten.