Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Mousegate 2010

I am a prisoner in my own house.

I don't use "we" because I don't think Jake gives 2 shakes about what creature skidaddles across our floor.

It begins like this...

It was this past Monday. I could have sworn it happened at night, but my SOS texts to my mom, and various friends, prove that it happened during the daytime.

Jake was sleeping and I was sitting on the couch, enjoying me some Glee, and I see something crawl across the floor, near our front door, and it was HUGE. Not in like the there's a bug, woe is me kind of way. It was huge. And, I've heard from friends that ginormous spiders are not uncommon in the South. I mean, bugs out here? Pretty sure they're on the juice.

I was so freaked out I didn't even move. I had 2 thoughts in my head: 1--[If that's a spider] my obituary will read 'death by spider attack' 2--I don't know how to feel since I don't know what I'm dealing with!

My last two semesters of college, we had to conduct experiments on rats. Not like Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but, actually, kind of cute little rats. They were brown and white, and pretty nice (I learned how to handle them from a girl I dubbed, and referred to her as, "The Rat Whisperer"). If this were a mouse it wouldn't bother me as much. They're timid little things.

But, a spider? I shudder. I've recently grown a pair of huevos in realizing that I have to defend our kingdom from multi-legged intruders, since hubby's not around. But, I'd still categorize myself a rookie in these ventures.


If this really is a spider, it could probably fit into Jake's newborn-sized 'jammies (perhaps a slight exaggeration. slight).

I know I have to deal with it, and there's no way around it and [I'm still thinking it's a spider. Plan for the worst, hope for the best, right?!] I can't let some gross little thing crawl where my kid is getting ready to walk.

So, after what seemed like a year of just standing up from the couch (since this was an accomplishment in itself), I s-l-o-w-l-y start walking down the hallway, where our terrorizer had headed.

Hallway closet: check

Bathroom: check

Our room: check

Those are the only places I check at the time because those are the only places I had the guts to check! I was shaken, to say the least. If it was a spider, HUGE; if it was a mouse, pretty average.

The unknown is terrifying.

So, I don't see it anywhere. I'm back to the living room, and see it again! It heads back across the front door area. I think I see it go into another closet. Naturally, I line the bottom of the door with 2 towels, held in place by our heavier glass bowls. I applaud my stronghold, and head to Target.

I come back with that pebble-y mouse/rat bait, and stare at the closet door.

It is my Everest.

After some mental prep, which took 'til Tuesday to get, I lift the towels, and push the tray of bait under the door with a potato masher.

All that was left was to check on the tray the next day.

Well, today, I saw something skidaddle across the floor near the front door. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?!

I either have 2 of "them", or trapped absolutely nothing in the closet. When Kristen came over to help out, we found the latter to be true.

We checked EVERYWHERE, and this little a-hole is NOWHERE to be found.


Seriously, we checked under the bed, under the dresser, under the nightstands, the laundry room, the infamous closet, under the couches, entertainment center, and end tables.

It is nowhere.

And, it's started to piss me off. Which really works in my favor, because I'm now longer scared of what this thing is.

I want to kill the bastard.

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