Saturday, October 16, 2010

Mama Guilt

When Jake is driving me up the wall, I always end up feeling so bad when I just want to get away from him. I even feel bad saying that. But, isn't it true? Don't we mamas feel that way from time to time? I hope so, otherwise I seem like a giant douche.

(and, fyi, I usually do get away for a sec. He watches Looney Tunes, I go curl up in bed. Man, sometimes all I need is 10 minutes to cry, or stare at the wall....)

It's so hard because I love that kid more than I can ever say. I love having him around, I love his Popeye smile, I love how proud he makes me.

Other times? I am sure he's Stewie, who popped out the ute' with a map for world domination. Totes.

During those times where I just can't seem to please him (thank God they don't happen often), I'm sure that other mothers do it better. I'm sure they don't get as frustrated; that they have some magical patience gene that I'm missing. I mean, sometimes it gets really frustrating. And, I just want some sort of help.

I think about my friends. Surely, ___ handles these types of situations with grace. Or, ___ gets through this, understanding that her kid is just being a kid. Which I, too, get, but sometimes it's like, UGH

You guys ever feel like this?

But, something really helped me. I was with a friend of mine, and her daughter. Her daughter was starting to be a pill, and she was frustrated. I thought "Hallelujah! I'm not the only one!" Of course, I didn't want her to feel frustrated, but it was such sweet relief to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. She had been one of the moms I thought about who must never get frustrated the way I do sometimes. It took a major load off my psyche to see that I'm not a bad mama.

Then, Jake plays the mind games with me. He's a clever little lad. He'll be workin' me from every angle, just dancin' an Irish jig on my last nerve, and I'm shouting curse words in my head. Then? Total 180. He smiles my way and two things happen. 1) I am beyond words how grateful I am that my sweet little boy is still in there. 2) I want to cry for the emotional bitchslap I just received.

Even now, I feel so bad typing this stuff. Like it somehow lessens how much love I have for that kid. Or, like someone's going to prove me right and be all "I'm June Cleaver. My kids never get to me, and I am never frustrated. I wear an apron, and dinner's always served at 6, and you suck"

I think it's the camaraderie we need as mamas sometimes. We get so tangled up in everything we do all day long that we forget that someone else is doing the exact same thing, and/or feeling the exact same way. But, we're all tangled up in the blinds, so we don't always get a chance to hear someone's reassurances.

Why hello there, Catch-22.

If Jake was still going through his my-daddy-just-left-and-I-hate-everything phase, this post would be easier to publish, but he's not. He's resumed his normally scheduled programming of being the sweet kid with the hilarious sense of humor. NOT that I'm complaining! So, it is more difficult to publish. Those ugly times are not the norm, so thinking about them in times of peace makes me feel just as bad as those times I got frustrated with him...

Oh, go through this, too, right?!

OK, even if you can't comment here, take to Facebook, like y'all been doing, because I'm really interested in what you guys think.....I was going to switch from blogspot to another hosting site, in hopes of getting all my comments, instead of just letting some slip through. From what I understand, sometimes it won't let you comment at all, rather than letting you *think* I got the comment! Lame. So, should I switch? I mean, I know y'all are still tuning in (which I appreciate so much! :::KISSES:::), but I could just focus on changing the layout of the blog, which you guys would see, as opposed to changing the host, which wouldn't effect you guys. I know this isn't a huge issue, but I'm curious what peeps think. Thanks!

Have a fab' Saturday!!


Tiffany Noth said...

I wonder if mama guilt ever goes away? It is nice to know you're not alone.... I think a mom is lying if she says she is never frustrated and wants to run out the door screaming.

Heather from MOHTH said...

Hi!! I am with you!! Almost every day my son pushes my buttons in some way and I want to scream. So you are not alone and just reading your post has made me feel better about my mama skills. SO thank you for writing this!! I'm not sure what you are talking about with the comment thing, but you could always do "Disqus" which allows people to comment from facebook, twitter, yahoo and an Open ID. I use blogspot and I have it on my blog. Just a thought.

I am your newest follower from seeing this post on Bloggy Moms!!

Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

Mama Hen said...

I think every mom has mommy guilt and it can really get to us. Every mom gets exhausted and needs a moment to themselves. do not be so hard on yourself! Have a great night!

Mama Hen