Lately, I've been in a bad way. I've been feeling so sad, so lonely, so disappointed...It's been a craptastic combination of my least favorite adjectives. Not to mention, I haven't been a stranger to crying. It's hard to continue to look at the glass half-full when you're feeling so beaten down. Optimism is, apparently, taking a little vacay. Some days? I just don't feel like I can handle this deployment anymore.
Then, my hubby called <3 He helped me to re-realize I can be sad, and maybe some people will help me to be disappointed in them, but that I'm never alone. I so love that man. He's my favorite. Now, if only we could be on the same continent....
Let's not have that talk.
After our phone call, things were looking in a better direction. For that I was so grateful. Jake even seemed to be more lighthearted, and he was only up the last few minutes of our call. But, we needed it. We needed that handsome voice from 8,000 miles away to make it all better.
So, we went about our day and I'm hearing the usual "mamamamamama..." "dadadadadadadada..." "nom nom nom nom nom..."
Some days he says the "mama..." and "dada...." in such a way that I have a glimmer of hope that he used it, specifically, for one of us, but no dice. You can see his wheels turnin'; you can see that those words mean something. We just weren't at the point where he was exactly sure what that meaning was.
I do try to help him along. I'll ask him "Where's Mama?" & he'll look at me like he's on the edge of his seat; like the answer is right on the tip of his tongue but he just can't get it out. So, I'll pat my chest and say "I'm mama!!" He gets a big laugh.
I think I've mentioned this before but, we call Gary's voicemail every night before bed. Gary recorded a message for us; for me to hear those sweet words and for Jake to keep hearing Daddy's voice while he's away. Before bed, I'll set his bottle on his toy chest, and sit in the rocker to make our call. Every night it's, "Let's call Daddy!!" He gets so excited as I start dialing then, promptly, stops, waits to be sure it is, in fact, his Daddy and then smiles and starts kicking his feet! I say 'dada' about 13 times during our phone call ritual. I want him to keep hearing it. But, in this instance, he's never reciprocated the 'dadadada...'. He's very excited, but usually lets me do all the talking.
So, Friday night, we were all settled into the rocker, and I hadn't made my declaration "Let's call Daddy!" yet. I was still getting settled, picked up the home phone, turned to him and was about to say it when he looks at me, says "Dada" [(NOT to be confused with 'dadadadada...')] and then stares at the phone, waiting for me to dial.
I stared at the side of his beautiful head. Tears welled in my eyes. I just couldn't believe it. He even said it with a certain inflection. It was like he knew we were about to talk to dada, but said it with the kind of inflection like he was asking "we're calling dada, right?!" It was so strong, and confident the way he said it. The look on his face was all business. He knew exactly what he was SAYING.
I wanted to go wide with the information right away, but I couldn't. I have to wait for Dada to call!! I want him to get this information first. As I type this, I'm still waiting for him to get my email and, hopefully, give us a call ASAP (& I won't publish this until he hears it first). It's unbelievably touching to me that his first word, out of all the words our little man will speak in his entire life, Dada was his first. His daddy is 8,000 miles away, and our one (well...one of two) fears is that Jake will forget parts of his daddy while he's deployed. I cannot wait to tell my hubby, cannot wait to hear his reaction when I say, that our baby boy knows exactly who he is. He's Dada. I so needed that.
I put Jake to bed with tears in my eyes. I watched How I Met Your Mother with an extra credit amount of lightheartedness. And, went to bed thankful. It's been hard on me, but this came at just the perfect time. I just can't wait to tell my hubster. I cannot wait to hear his reaction. I am imagining the depths of goo this will produce in him. He's going to be so touched.
Grilled Cheesus, our boy can talk.