As I sat and watched Jake play in his room today, I thought about the way he moves, and the deliberation of his actions. I thought about how little he is, and how he looks back at me, with a smile, when he's done something he's particularly proud of. And, I wondered what I would remember.
Would I remember the little things that, now, I couldn't imagine forgetting? Will I remember how he hoards my Pampered Chef mixing spoons? Will I remember how we blow raspberries back and forth during meals? Will I remember the squeal he lets out when he sees me come to pick him up after a nap?
I know we had some pretty bad days last week, but they're already vanishing from my memory since he's feeling better. I know those things won't stick with me when we decide to have another baby, when he starts to grow into more of a little boy, rather than a toddler. But, I'm trying to make sure the little things that I wouldn't want to forget don't slip through, too.
I hope I never forget the cute way he pumps his legs so quickly when he thinks he's running from me, by holding the furniture. And, oh, the look on his face...priceless. I hope I always remember the way he looks at the phone every time I dial because, to him, it's always Daddy. I hope I remember how proud he is of himself, and the pride he looks for in my expression, when he recognizes something, as in "nom nom" is time to eat, and yellow is for Spongebob.
I know I'll never forget the way he makes me feel; how when I see him do all these little things that make my heart swell, I just can't get enough of him. That I'll keep with me, I'm sure of it. I just want to keep those little things, too.
Today, I thought about all those things, and looked at him. Really looked at him. This little guy grew in my belly. I just can't believe it. His blue eyes, his combover, his dimples, his hilarious sense of humor, how he's never met a stranger. That's been his packaged deal.
I watched how you can almost see his wheels turning when he'd decide how to move around the room by himself. I was in awe.
He's nothing short of a miracle.