Monday, January 31, 2011

Festivus for the restivus.

Last week, it was my birthday!!!!

I'm officially closer to 30 than 20! And, ya know what? I feel great ;-) hahaha!

Ringing in the big 2-6 was so amazing, considering that my hubby is so far away...

We started our day with our first Kindermusik class! It was so amazing! I've got another post ready to fill you all in on that, but it was so great!

We left class and stopped by Sonic, to get Jake some lunch before we headed to my birthday movie! And, believe me, I paid for it. Jake's body was all "really, trying to feed us *this* food? Umm, no thanks. Let me expel this from my body in a super sticky fashion" But, I didn't mind...it was my birthday!!!!

So, Jake eats a few tots and some of a breakfast sandwich and we head into the movies to see Little Fockers. That's what it's called, right? Well, it's escaping my memory if that's correct, but, either way, that movie was hilarious! Loved it!

I didn't get Sonic with Jake because I had my sights set on movie popcorn. I mean, right?! And, listen to the dumbest question I've ever heard (dumbest ever for the sake of this story, anyway) "Do you want butter on your popcorn?"
DOIY.

C'mon now. For serious.

Jake watched the previews with me, then slept almost the entire movie. I loved feeling him snuggle into me for a good nap. It was a very good time :-)

So, we leave the movies and I go home to Skype with my hubby!!! He even got to see me open the presents he got me!! I am so, so grateful for that opportunity! He got me some amazing gifts, but this has to be my favorite:
I'm about to go all Julie & Julia over here!!! Thanks to a wonderful gift, Jake will be eating homemade apple butter next week! And? Homemade mozzarella sticks.

OH. MY. GAH.

Anywho, the rest of the gifts hubby got me are so special to me I want to keep them just for myself :-) Thanks for understanding!

Then, to top off everything, I had some really, really great friends over that night!! One fab' mama wasn't able to make it, but we love her anyways ;-) We had ridiculous amounts of food, talked about wildly "inappropriate" things, and laughed. We laughed a lot. It was such a great night and I'm so grateful they all came over! As Jackie would say, it was AMAZEBALLS!! :-)

Casey, Holli, Jackie, and Kristen....thank you so much for coming over and making the birthday night just perfect! Because, you guys? ROCK. MY. SOCKS. I'm really going to miss you guys over in Colorado!


Balloons from the fam'!


Birthday flowers from my hubalub :-)


Pretty!

It was a great day! Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! :-)

Friday, January 21, 2011

Let's walk for babies!

While thinking about heading to another 5K around town, I stumbled across the March of Dimes and saw that they have a Tennessee chapter.

The March of Dimes is an organization working toward better health for pregnant women, and babies. Something like this may not have struck a chord with me just a few years ago, but once you become a mama you have a heart for babies everywhere.

I am so, so grateful for the health of our little nugget, but such is not always the case. I hope that you'll consider heading on over to a team page I created and making a donation, and walking with us! I know a lot of people on Facebook mentioned they were interested, so let's do it!

Until I read otherwise (or anyone has intel I don't!), Jake will be at the event with me, so feel free to bring kiddos! My intention is to bring the jogger, and have him enjoy the two mile walk, but I can always wear him in the mei-tai wrap if need be. Either way, I won't let much keep us from walking!

I set the team (go join!) goal to raise $250. I figure that was feasible if enough people join! But, if we can get more money that'd be great!

Hope to see you there!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Family visit!

This past weekend, we had the joy of hosting our cousin Millie and her daughter, Madison! Millie's husband just deployed for the first time, so it was nice to be around one another since we're feeling many of the same things.

When I found out she was coming, my mission was to baby the shizz out of them. Who doesn't need that from time to time?! So, I made chocolate, and white chocolate!, peanut butter bon bons (which, if you are like me and thought that white chocolate was not going to be too appetizing you'd be wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.), cookies with chocolate chips that were mixed with peanut butter, and Deli-Style Mac and Cheese (because, if that doesn't scream I will comfort you I don't know what will!). I think Millie will back me up on this, but that mac n cheese will, borderline, change your life.

When we're hosting people, I get a little obsessed with taking care of said people. I want nothing more than to make someone as comfortable in our home as they'd be in their own. So, I had delicious food prepared, and was willing to accommodate them in whatever they may need. But, it turns out, I didn't need to work so hard. I birthed a teeny person that was exactly what they needed. Jake saw Millie and Madison walk in the door and lit up! As of this past weekend, Jake had only seen Millie 3 times in his life, but, when she walked in our door, he knew exactly who she was!! But, Millie's also got that warm, maternal feel to her so it's not hard to be around her!

Fun factoid about the weekend? They got here Saturday. Saturday night, Jake went to bed the usual time of 7:30. This boy didn't wake up until 11:45 the next morning!!!! ELEVEN FORTY FIVE!!!! AND, he took a 2 hours and 15 minute nap. AND, he went to bed on time. Our little nugget was up for a total of 5 and a half hours that day. I swear, these are all facts.
Now, I'd like to thank growing and teething and being worn out from playtime with his cousin for all the sleep!


I know there's a couple peeps out there who are going to want to guzzle the haterade and say that our next one is going to be some sleep-hating, noctural hellian....To that I say: simmer. It'll all be fine.
Totes :-)

It was nice to be around family :-) It was also nice to have grown-up, with maybe a wee bit of gossip, talks!! What a great weekend!

Millie, thank you so much for making that uber long drive out!! You're so my sister from another mister!! You guys are always welcome here!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It finally happened.

We came up on orders.

This has been our only duty station, for 6 years. You should see the faces of fellow military when we say that. People, almost, don't believe us.

When Gary first told me that we came up on orders, I got all excited, wondering what new place we'd get to see, and what adventures were ahead of us when we got there. But, it's slowly sinking in that we, most likely, won't be here for long.

I thought about the friends whom we love like they're part of our family, because that's what they've become. Family. I thought about how much we'd miss Nashville. We've so developed a love affair with that city. Our plan was to buy a house between here and Nashville, to get the good prices of not living in the actual city, but close enough to the city we'd be able to take trips there whenever the fancy struck. I thought about Trader Joe's! Mine and Jake's favorite place ever!!! If we're really leaving, I hope we can introduce Gary to the wonder that is TJ's.

I thought about Southern hospitality, and how I wouldn't be able to have our next baby with the incredible OB that delivered Jake. I thought about how there are, probably, very few hospitals where you can have a baby and have every nurse that comes in refer to you by a different love name (honey, sugar, baby girl....were some of my fav's). I thought about how we won't be able to walk around the Green Hills mall with the probability of running into a country music star (I have some friends that have!). Oh, and the Grand Ole Opry!!

I've really grown to love the South.

But, on the flipside of things, we are soo down for anything. Moving is a biatch, but, if we didn't move for the express reason of moving being a pain in my tail, I think we'd look back, when the kids are grown, and think we really just should have done it. (not to imply it's a "choice", per se, but there are things that can be done to help squash the orders)

And, hello....we'd be stationed in Colorado!!! Can you say 'gorgeous'?? Snowboarding, and Aspen, and museums, and zoos, and all the touristy crap that excites me to no end. Erin is there!!! Maybe we'd love it there even more than we love it here?! It's so hard for us to reel it back in, and make this decision based on intelligent thoughts, than the "let's just do it!!!" that our just-another-adventure-we-get-to-take-together mentality is provoking!

There are issues to consider; the possibility of a fourth deployment (I just vomited a little bit at that thought) to ponder. But, we're so down for all of it---everything outside deployment anyway! I mean, it's certainly not like we'd be moving to BumF*ck Egypt by any stretch!

But, I think all the facts we need can be summed up to the text message I woke up to this morning from Erin:

"It's a beautiful day in Colorado. Just FYI :-)"

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Parenting can suck eggs.

Yesterday, I had my eye appointment and, as always, Jake was my plus one.

Homeboy has been teething, I swear, since he was conceived. He handles the pain so well; I am so, so proud of him for that. But, he's constantly shoving his entire fist (oh, so literally) into his mouth, or sucking down juice (which is 90% water anyway!) or milk, or being lackadaisically cuddly. None of which are horrible to deal with, from the parenting perspective anywho!

So, unless we have to go out, I try to stay home and let him get through the brunt of teething symptoms in the comfort of his trifecta: jammies, ball pit, and Spongebob.

Unfortch, we gotta do what we gotta do and yesterday I needed a new prescription for my contacts, so sight trumped the trifecta.

I've been really understanding with him, and proud of that. I know when you're with someone 24/7, it's easy to let cabin fever set in. But, for the most part, I've just been focusing on helping him to feel better. Yesterday, though, I was at a loss.

The boy? He was in a bad mood. And, it's not something other parents would, probably, be able to tell right off the bat, but *I* know. I know when he's not all super-playful, or flashing that megawatt smile, or waving to anyone, and everyone, that something is up. And, yesterday, my patience clock was ticking.

I've been a trooper while dealing with the happiness that is teething, but one can only take so much staying indoors and catering to every whim of another without needing a break. And, we've been at this deployment thing long enough for me to (thankfully) recognize when the shizz is about to hit the fan.

So, we leave my eye appointment and Jake is practically falling asleep the minute his tush hits the carseat, while being a little pissy/fussy toward me. For what it's worth, Jake sees a carseat and falls asleep; they're his kryptonite. But, today, even though I knew he'd rather be home, we went to Starbucks.

I needed it. I needed to do something I wanted. It's not as if he's uncomfortable in his carseat; he's just experiencing the typical joys of teething. But, it was so hard to make that decision. It was hard to declare "Sorry, but we've been doing what you need for, wait, how old are you now? Yeah, the entire time you've been alive"

As much as I really always do put his comfort first, as I should!, there comes a point when he'll just have to deal. I needed that little itty, bitty treat. I needed to drive down the road, loudly singing my country music, and feeling that bit of "isolation" up in the front seat. It felt delish.

I'm so glad I did it, too. That little, tiny treat was just enough to recharge me. I wonder what other mamas do to just take a second to mentally decompress? We all need it. But, I'll confess, as a first time mama, I still have that bit of guilt for saying I need a break. Even though, it has nothing to do with my love for him, or wanting to be away from him; I just needed to realize what I want really does matter, too. Not to mention, I can come back and better do my job because I've remembered myself.

But, in our opinion, little breaks are also necessary to let our wee little lad know that sometimes he's just going to have to man up. If there's nothing honestly wrong with him, he can sit, on a 20 minute drive to Starbucks, and just hang out. Which he does. But, we just want to make sure we reinforce that he knows he won't always be getting exactly what he wants. Even if I do have big, gigundo amounts of guilt about it. I know it's better for him in the long run.

Now, if only we could have babysitters via Skype. That would equal awesomesauce.

Also? I freakin' miss my hubby <3

Friday, January 14, 2011

Thankful Thursday....on a Friday.

With all this completely freezing weather we're having, I couldn't be more thankful for the roof over our heads.

Even though responsibility isn't always the joy of life (sarcasm), I'm so thankful I have things for which, and people for whom, to be responsible.

We may go from talking every second of every day to a "g'mornin'" and a "g'night" but, I'm so thankful for solid friendships.

Although they were, sometimes, hard to come across, I'm so thankful we've made decisions that have enabled Gary to be the breadwinner, and myself to be a stay at home mama.

I don't always show the immensity of gratitude I should but, I'm so thankful to God for all my blessings.

I am very, very thankful that we are over halfway done with this deployment.

I can't even, and maybe will never be able to, fathom its depths but, I am so, so thankful for the deep, unwavering, one-of-a-kind love I get to share with a good man.

I'm thankful for a visit from one of our very favorite cousins, and her daughter, this weekend, and for the chance to show them a good time.

Whether it be because of needing consolation, sleep, or intimacy, I'm so thankful for little baby hugs, where an amazing little boy's arm wraps around my shoulder and his head fits into the groove of my neck.


Have a great weekend :-)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Baby Fever Fizzle

So, first I wasn't even close to wanting another baby.

Then, I ovulated each time I saw, heard about, smelled another baby.

Now? I'm in between.

I was thinking about it and, I realized when Gary comes home there's not a whole lot to figure out. Jake is finally down to one nap a day, completely weaned, solid sleeping hours (and, because I said that, I'm sure I'm in for a night of h-e double hockey sticks), eats well, handles himself well...

It's just all figured out. It'll be so amazing to just be when hubs gets home. So that kinda offed my crazy desire for babies. To watch my hubby and my boy together? That image gives me big, huge butterflies. Like, whoa.

I think I mentioned in the linked-posts up there that even if hubby were home, we wouldn't have been trying to knock me up. Especially since, if we got pregnant when my baby fever first rolled into town, I'd be doing most of my baby-bakin' during the cold months and there's no effing way I'm doing that. I have a big, puffy heart for being pregnant in the Summer, like I was with little J-Bone. But, my fever was still there in a I-can't-wait-to-have-more-babies-with-you-even-though-they're-off-in-our-future kind of way.

Now, I simply have the warm-fuzzies for the fact that we will grow our family, but completely understand it'll grow in time. The idea of procreating with that incredible man o' mine is bliss.

Side Bar---Is it weird that I thought about how sought-after my ute' would have been in medieval ages? Ya know, from the whole producing a firstborn male heir thing? These are the kinds of things I think about.

I guess I'm just in no rush. Not that this decision is solely up to me; hubby and I are on the same page, per the uje. Plus, I can't lie and say I don't have names (including middles) picked out for a boy and a girl, but they'll be put to use. At least one of them anyway.

Oh yeah, so my youngest brother tells me one day "Sam, you can't only have two kids; that'll be so boring" Naturally, my response had to be "Squeeze one out of your vagina, then we'll talk"

But, I still don't want to be "boring". Because, ugh.


And, it is completely unimportant that Jake didn't come out of the shoot anyway.

Did I just stumble across the future sex talk basis for our kids??

I think yes.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I believe...

...if you think your shizz don't stink, there's, most likely, a ton of people who do.

...there's nothing wrong with trying to accomplish something before the microwave hits 0. Goals, people.

...getting to see this face every day makes me a very happy mama


...in starting healthy eating habits from the get-go. For us, that means, for the most part, we eat without watching TV, or playing with toys, and eat, just about exclusively, from home. We don't want Jake to eat in passing, we want him to be aware of what he's eating and aware of when he becomes full. I know Jake looks like my little chubber, but his weight is actually in a low percentile; it's just that he's short right now so his weight is all concentrated in one area.....his gets-raspberries-all-the-time belly :-)

(P to the S... I'm aware the older our babies get, the above won't always be stuck to like they are now. Just want to give them a good foundation, before everything they eat is brightly colored! Although, Jake has always been my little health nut. If we're FB friends, you know about the time he chose brussels sprouts over a piece of homemade brownie...)


...makeup is not meant to be used to make you look like a drag queen. Now, if that's the goal, have at it!

...I'll never understand what about cardboard and plastic says 'not recyclable' to the recycle guys.

...Nashville misses me as much as I miss her. If it'd stop snowing so we can go bask in her glory that'd be the bee's knees.

...this is thee. cutest. apron. evar.! One of my Christmas gifts was a TJ Maxx gift card and I picked up this little treasure because, well, who could pass it up?!


...not every single movie needs to have a sequel. Although, the Meet the Parents movies can continue to reproduce until we have a Fockin' Great Grandparents movie.

...the fact that our dogs fart out loud is uber disgusting, and a little funny.




Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Countdowns

Countdowns. Our life is surrounded with them.

Countdown to when hubbers gets home, countdown to my birthday (two weeks!! Although, I wish that applied to the aforementioned), countdown to our family visit this weekend (!!!!!), countdown to hubby's birthday, countdown to Christmas, countdown to Summer...

We count down all kinds of shizz. It's oddly comforting, though. For instance, my birthday is in two weeks. As much as I love birthdays (not just mine, I'm an equal-opportunity birthday lovah), I'm counting down to mine because it feels like the sooner that's celebrated, the sooner he'll be here, home with us. The same for the celebration of his birthday. And, thinking about Jake's SECOND birthday this year (can I get a whiskey. tango. foxtrot. on that one?!?) because Gary will be here to celebrate it, without having to leave a week later. Not to sound like I'm not wicked grateful for the fact that he was here for Jake's first.

Although we don't have a date for when he'll be back, I do a, kind of, retrograde countdown where every day passed is a day closer to whatever date he'll be here. I know it sounds so weird, but it really does feel good. Kind of like, I accomplished something each that passes. Please tell me there's one other person who looks at things like this!

I was looking forward to counting down to Summer because I'm sick of the cold, miss my flip flops, skirts and dresses, and the pool! BUT, I just got two pairs of boots so incredibly amazing I'd cuddle with them at night if even I wouldn't think I was a freak, so I'd love a few more opportunities to wear them before the sweltering humidity of the South rolls into town.

ANYWAY.

Everything is really about him being home. Looking forward to Christmas this year because he'll be here to celebrate with us. Looking forward to any day post-deployment because he'll be here. Period.

But, I can't say I don't totally love a countdown. It's a way to keep things optimistic; the way we prefer them! I was totally the girl in high school that had conversations with many that went like this:

"Sammie...how many days 'til prom?!"



and I'd chime "Fifty-seven!!!!!"

And, then I'd skip along my happy little way.

It's just my spastically, comforting little way to keep things moving in a positive direction. This way I get to think about that last time I'll get my hair did (please tell me you remember that Missy Elliot song from years ago that inspired my use of 'did'? No? You must think I am not so much with the grammar) before he gets home, the week that I should pick up my welcome home outfit, etc etc etc.

We gotta stay positive people!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I believe...

I know yesterday's post was pretty intense, so let's keep it light today, shall we?

...no one should really be calling Lady Gaga "shocking" anymore. Is everyone not used to it, yet?

...jeggings are pretty much the worse thing since.....I can't even think of a comparison.

...the only socially acceptable way to say that you're having sex nonstop is "we're trying".

...spit-up (due to teething) is the most rancid smell ever. Actually, I hesitate calling it a smell. More like a fume.

...parenting is hard. It'd be so much easier to give in to what Jake wanted all the time. But, dear general public, rest assured Jake, and all our other players to be named later, will never be the kid(s) you don't want to invite to the birthday party, or don't want your child sitting next to in class. The part of the population that spawns from me and the hubs are going to have their shizz together. I promise, general public.

...Saturday Night Live is way better than Mad TV, although I love both :-)

...Angie is totally busted for implanting that "Barbie Girl" song in my head! Even Jake gives me the side-eye when I'm walking around singing it!

...the boots that, literally, just showed up on our doorstep all of a sudden made my waking up with a headache and starving completely bearable :-)

...it's OK to automatically question the grown men who like dressing in skin-tight leotards and dancing for children.

...sexual deprivation is one of the top 5 ways to torture an Army wife.

...everyone should be made aware that there are twenty shopping days left 'til my birthday, even less if you're shipping something to me ;-) I kid, I kid.... kinda.

...almost nothing is TMI once you become a mama. Seriously, there are no boundaries between me and my amigas anymore. None.

...the fact that Jake gives my not-as-smooth-as-if-hubby-were-home legs the stinkeye does nothing for my ego. Yesterday, he rubbed my prickly leg, looked at it like he was rubbing the most disgusting thing on Earth, then, leaned over, and spit on my leg. Thanks, my love.

...there is nothing wrong with my desire to sustain my life via a diet of Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles. It's like Heaven in a bag.

I won't ask what you believe in because, clearly, this is in jest. So, how about....what spastic thoughts run through your mind?! :-)




Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Avoiding loss

It's such a hard thing to deal with when we lose those we love. And, I don't mean drifting, or ending, friendships/relationships. Loss, as in those we love are no longer with us.

A friend of mine had a difficult time dealing with the loss of a four year old she knew. He was the son of a friend of hers. He was killed in a car accident, and laid to rest, days before Christmas.

A cell phone was involved.

I swear that 9 times out of 10, I am cut off by someone on their phone. I look over at a stoplight, someone is on their phone. I go to cross a shopping center parking lot, with Jake on my hip, someone whizzes by...on their phone.

I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been on the phone while driving. BUT, since having Jake, I've been uber selective about it; only on the phone if my deployed hubby calls ( & even then, it's on speaker and the phone is in my lap), only looking at a text during a red light. As if that means I'm not distracted. Yeah, right. Never again will I pick up my phone while driving.

What if, because you just had to answer that call, you were distracted enough that you get into a wreck? What if you take the life of another driver, of a child? You're not above it.

Yeah, yeah....those things happen to other people. Not me.

Bullshit.

Because, if you've ever loved someone, you know how precious life can be. What if that person was taken because of some "idiot on their cell phone"? Are you kidding me? You'd be furious. You'd be devastated that someone you love was taken from this planet by something 100% preventable.

Put down your phone. It IS NOT that important. And, if it is?? PULL OVER.

All I can think about is our little boy. Yes, it'd be an absolute tragedy if myself, or Gary, or any of our loved ones were hurt, or taken, in a car accident. But, Jake? His life has only begun. I have tears as I type this. I cannot imagine anything happening to that little boy. If you're a human being, I'm sure you can understand that feeling, in one form or another.

Where we live, specifically--getting off at exit 4 toward the mall, there's a place where you can turn left, which has a stop sign, or you can go right, and join traffic. DRIVES. ME CRAZY. There's not a yield, merge, or stop sign, yet people do every single one. You get off to use this exit and get into traffic, via our own lane. There's no reason to stop, and make up your own traffic laws. Impeding traffic can have the same effects as speeding, or weaving through it.

That particular area used to drive us crazy because we'd be heading to the movies, or out to eat and just want to get there. Now? It's becoming recognized as a problem because people aren't paying attention to what's around them.

I can think of a couple teenagers I know that'll read this and not take it to heart. It's hard, I understand. It's hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone in the throws of devastation. It's so big, you just can't seem to apply it to yourself. But, please try. Please remember that you are not above it. Things can happen to you. To someone else. I know *I* couldn't bare the thought of taking a person from this Earth because of my negligence. Things happen in the blink of an eye. Things happen that can change everything forever.

My heart grieves for that little boy. For his mother. Unless you're a parent you can't fully understand the utter fear of losing a child. But, please try. Think of that person you couldn't imagine life without and imagine how you'd feel if they were taken by something preventable.

I hope this didn't come off as PSA'ish, or preachy. I was just hoping that we could learn from a horrible situation. Maybe, that way, that little boy's death won't be in vain. I know, it perked me right up. Knowing my friend was so devastated by that little boy's loss was enough to get me to think twice.

Nothing is as important as life.

Monday, January 3, 2011

One of those days...

Yesterday, oh yesterday....suck it.

Yesterday was grocery day. I split the list between Sam's and the commissary. That's where the best deals are for us, specifically.

We don't stick to a rigid schedule, but, even for us, nap time came early today. Jake was dubbed "the whiner", would fight the smallest things, and, to be clear, he's not a whiny kid. We just, kind of, go with the flow.

Today? We were against the current.

Then, the drivers. Seriously, people drive out here like their ass is on fire. And, I'm not going to say it's a Southern thing because we live on an Army post; there's a melting pot of the United States bunched into one area.

There's a story I'm going to post tomorrow that will help you to understand why the drivers are even more under my skin than usual, but, today, one driver, in particular, was deemed a f*ck stain. And, I meant every letter of it.

OK, I don't drive like I'm in a rush, but I also have my head outside my hiney just enough to know to keep with the pace of traffic. But, I seem to drive, lately, when all the douchebags are out, who have to go 90 on the I-24, and get so close to me I can't even see the first 6 inches of their hood. Let's be clear about something, if you're driving like a complete 'tard, and it happens to be endangering my child's life, I'm gonna cut you.

This threw my irritation into overdrive.

Here I am, trying to make things as speedy & as painless as possible, but I've got the Great Whiner fighting me on every move that has to do with the carseat, feeling horrible that we had stuff to get done, on the verge of tears from total mental overload, and about to go all Grand Theft Auto on fellow drivers.

And, I started to laugh.

The delirious laugh.

The laugh that says I'm either going to go crazy, or slap a nun.

But, I gathered my shizz. I realized that the day was throwing tests at me and I wasn't about to starting failing tests now. I recognized my frustration level rising. I realized that how I was feeling was completely justified, but giving in (ie, crying, screaming into a pillow, nun-slapping) wouldn't help. And, for that, I was epically proud.

So, we get to the commissary and the parking lot is packed. But, it always looks packed to me, and it's never that bad (when we go!), but today was wrong. But, we're already here, there's no way we're headed back. Embrace the suck.

P to the S....I think the people in the commissary proved that theory I have about about how people push their carts having some correlation to the way they drive. I swear, it is science.

Jake and I are doing our thing, picking up a few friends along the way (that's how we roll), and head to the line. For those that know the commissary, OH MY GAH. The line was the longest I've ever seen it. That bitch wrapped around to the back by the cheese, and biscuits and such. For those that don't know our commissary, picture an 'L', with the tip of the horizontal line being Willy Wonka's golden ticket, aka the registers, and the tip of the vertical line being the very end. When we got in line, there was probably, ballpark, 50-60 carts in front us.

Yeah, I know.

So, there we are, making the best of things, refusing to let another test tempt me with failure. The line moves fairly steadily. Not fast, but steady. Come to find out, they have about 5 registers open. Because, obviously.

L-followers, we go to the point where the horizontal and vertical lines of the L meet, 'bout halfway. Some guy, running the express line, comes out to see if he can help the line shorten a bit by choosing someone with not too many items in their cart.

I swear, it was like being chosen to come on down for the Price is Right.

I. WAS. CHOSEN.

Suck it, long ass line!!!! I was pumped. Everyone looked at me with a combination of she's so lucky and like I was scab crossing the picket lines. Oh, and the cherry? When I was chosen, there was about 25-30 carts in front of me. Yeah.

We get up to contestants' row, and I see a guy behind me with a lone pound of ground beef. I asked him if he wanted to go ahead of me, and he said no, that he was fine.

It's like I won the lottery.
Frick, I should have played.

We made it home, teething boy rested & played while I made bomb diggity chicken cordon bleu, cleaned the kitchen, and got my sushi dinner ready--which I had been craving for weeks.

Let's recap:
-survived the nutbag drivers
-laughed off delirium
-picked for contestants' row
-amazing dinner
-Jake and I are still friends.

WIN.