Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Lessons from the road.

In two and a half days, we drove almost 17 hours.

We lost no one in the process; that is one monster of a win.

Let me paint you a picture: We stuffed both cars to the brim with the necessities (it's amazing how much crap piles up into that category when you'll arrive at your destination before your belongings) and did our best imitation of a convoy, with Gary leading.

Can I just tell you guys something? I just added up all our gas receipts because the Army said to. We drove TWO cars 1,100 miles, filled with almost 2.000 lbs worth of stuff. We spent $384. I'll wait while you digest that magnificence. I still don't think it could be true! Perhaps this is a true testament to properly maintaining your vehicles?!

The drive was great. Minus the spurts of construction that slowed time justthismuch, the weather held up well, traffic was minimal, and the sights were almost always amazing. Except for Kansas. We hate Kansas. More on that later.

I packed, what felt like, about 207 sandwiches, juice, chips, and, Jake's two great loves, White Cheddar Cheez-Its and multicolored Goldfish; this was to avoid spontaneous cardiac arrest induced by the grease from middle-of-nowhere diners.

So, all in all, we were very prepared. We've never PCSed before so I preferred to simplify what I could since I didn't understand the process in its entirety. But, there were still lessons to be learned---->

1) XM radio is a must.
But, then again, now I know within the country genre.
Test me.

Plusalso? Miranda Lambert is either hit or miss with me. Although, I feel like I'd like her in real life. Guys, I was in the car for multiple hours with my baby boy and the XM, I know which country stars would be my friends.

2) Cruise control is a gift from Jesus.
No elaboration necessary.

3) Like I told my friend, Donna, "Kansas is stupid. And ugly"
This state contains rampant amounts of nothing. Every mile we drove through that cursed land felt like we simply stood still. Not to mention the construction. Umm, really? For whom are you constructing? No one lives there.

4) No aspect of nature is fun when you're on a 500 mile stretch with rest stops every 90ish miles.
Seriously, Kansas. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

5) The price of sanity.
I began traveling with Jake while Gary was deployed. Before I even began step one of any journey, I was going to make it as easy on myself as possible. As you guys know, we cloth diaper full-time, and (this part is a fun factoid--->) we have to wash every 3 days. Easy peasy. BUT. I know when to call a spade a spade. We save uber amounts of cash by cloth diapering, and cloth wiping, but there's no way I'm going to add 'wash diapers' to my list while we're away from home. We make smart, money-saving decisions, but whose sanity is priceless? THIS GIRL. I'm not going to make something more stressful to save a couple bucks. So, I got some disposable diapers, for dirt cheap, at yardsales and have been happy to check one thing off my list. And, to make this a win-win, we're still saving oodles even with taking a 2 week break from the cloth!

::: does the macarena :::

6) The value of life.
I saw a sign, in Kansas of course, which read,

"$10,000 fine for hitting workers
and a 4 year sentence"

My first thought: Does this happen enough, in the middle of nowhere, for us to see this sign multiple times??

My second thought: If I were one of the workers I'd like the sign to read,

"Refrain from hitting workers;
you could never afford the fine for hitting these biatches"

7) The greatness that is Spongebob
Whether Jake is reading one of his Spongebob books or not, he likes to walk around saying (slash maybe calling for?) "Bob". He and Mr. Squarepants are on the nicknamed-basis. At first, I was like, "Yep, buddy. Spongebob rocks", but after hour three of "Bob", I think to myself, "Man, Spongebob IS the man!"

8) The importance of non-verbal communication.
Gary and I had full conversations, about drivers around us and the number of kittens we'd like to dropkick if we had to drive another mile, via hand gestures. While driving. Not all of them friendly, but all of them covert.

I'd like to thank Ross from FRIENDS for providing me with an excellent gesture.

8) The duality of the license plate game.
This game both succeeds in keeping you alert while on the road and killing a piece of you because you are, in fact, playing alone.

9) I missed my calling.
I should have been a country singer.

10) The best part of a road trip.
Don't move to Kansas.

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