Sunday, May 27, 2012

Misconceptions.

We're coming up on two weeks of the husband being gone.

And, it has been interesting to say the least.


The Sunday before Gary left, aka Mother's Day, I got violently sick. It was the worst feeling. It's the kind of sick where you forget what it feels like to feel well and are sure you will never get the opportunity to be reminded again. EVER.

My mom  had come into town the night before, to help out and see Gary before he left, and I have no clue what we would have done without her.

So, Sunday morning, we're at church. I had been fighting nausea, but that sometimes happens when I have to get ready on a less leisurely pace. We get to church and the nausea is coming in waves...until the two separate occasions I had to run out of the service to go worship the porcelain throne.

I thought, "Wow, very latent morning sickness, you're a bitch" Of course, I was in church so I modified that to "biatch"

Gary came in the ladies' room with me and was rubbing my back, as I got to see what my insides looked like, until the service was over and I thought, for sure, it was out of my system.

Wrong.

I spent the entire day in a right angle position. And, it was only made better by the fact that, apparently, that wasn't very latent morning sickness; it was a bug that got passed to everyone in our house, Gary & Jake simultaneously--which was loads of fun, the last days that my husband would be on U.S. soil for a year'ish.

It was the worst sickness this family has, literally, ever seen. Details omitted for the faint of heart, but I will say that there was somewhere between 30-40 loads of laundry done in 6-7 days.

There's so much more that goes into deployment than missing your husband. Although, that is a big, fat chunk of it. It's painful to think about going to bed alone or a long weekend (like, I don't know, this one....) spent apart. But, it's also when your kid, normally relatively even keel and very close to you, completely spazzes out. You should've seen the looks this boy was giving me. The kid? He wanted to fight me. And, all I wanted to do was fully absorb that we're doing this shizz for a 4th time in 7 years.

I asked my mom why certain family members, whom I thought would offer some sort of condolence, were completely ignoring our family and she offered that people think I'm so strong so they just stay away.

Let me clear this up---not I, or any of my military spouse friends, want a pity party or to be treated as if she's going to break. But, not a single person on the planet is able to be strong constantly. And, to assume that is pretty ridiculous. I'm pretty positive the majority of the time, but sometimes it, literally, hits you completely out of the blue. There have been times I've been cooking dinner and just start crying at the stove. I had thought I was doing just fine, but, apparently, I wasn't. Then, hearing me, Jake comes in asking, "Mama? Mama?" And, then gives me a hug which makes me cry more.

I dropped Jake off at hourly care last week for 3 hours of me. A pedicure and baby-blanket-fabric-shopping was on the agenda. Anything to let me just get out and get a breath of fresh air, which I needed after the nasty week in our house.

I drop Jake off and am making small talk with Miss Sam. I let her know that the day before, at Sunday School, Jake had a minor freak out. Apparently he fell and one of the aids in the room tried to help him up and he just started wailing. COMPLETELY unlike him. If he's ever uncomfortable he becomes a little introverted. This is the complete opposite of his super social, happy self. But, I let her know that he's still adjusting to his daddy being gone so that'll be the cause if there's any out-of-character moments for him.

She acknowledges and then asks, "How are YOU?"

She probably had no clue what that question meant to me.

The tears welled in my eyes. It meant more to me than she'll probably ever know for someone to ask how I was feeling and to really want to know the answer.

You see, it might be SOP for a military family to go through things like deployments, but it never gets easier. It doesn't get easier to put your own feelings aside because you need to plaster the smile on your face for your kid(s). It doesn't get easier to have sad feelings attack you out of nowhere. It doesn't get easier to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries geographically separately.

So, while you may think someone, anyone--not just military-related, is strong and fine, it never hurts to acknowledge them. It's not easy to feel like you need to be strong for everyone else.

3 comments:

Wendy Del Signore said...

I don't know how you do it! I think you're an amazing mom and wife! I was so hoping that you guys would get a break the last time Gary came home.

Brooke said...

Word.

This life has shown me - time and time again - who my true friends are. Some of those answers have been surprising. Very surprising.

Love ya, girlie. Hang in there!

AlaskaNicole said...

Dude I cannot even imagine surviving a deployment....much less more than one. AND surviving one while pregnant? That's crazy. Throw some pity parties, eat some red velvet cakes, drink a gallon of chocolate milk, have 20 pedicures, get your hair did 5 thousand times, and go shopping alot (that's probably what I would do). Everyone always thanks the heroes that go fight the wars...but I think the true heroes are women behind them that keep their families going strong. Stay strong, and keep that baby cooking. :)