Thursday, August 16, 2012

I wish the second time could come first.

Except not in the way that I'm saying I wish I had one kid before the other. In the way that Holy Monica Geller the second time is sooo much easier than the first.

I wasn't all nervous and spazzy when J was in the ute, but I had to wonder about a lot because I just didn't know. First time mama status.

I wasn't sure of what baby gear we needed vs what was some marketing scheme to get us to spend on the unnecessary. I didn't know if there were certain things I should be doing during the day, other than the whole keeping-a-wee-person-in-one-piece thing. I didn't know if I'd, physically, ever feel the same or if I'd ever like my belly again.

What a rookie, eh?!

This time I just feel so much more relaxed. Not only do I not have to be all, "HOLY H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS, how will we get everything the baby needs? Where will we put it all? Do I get a say in how our day will go at all??", I know that, aside from the healthy eating/working out thang, she pretty much grows herself. You just kind of sit back and let the bump grow.

Now, though? It kind of goes like this, "She'll have warm clothes, will feed straight from the tap, and has a place to sleep. DONE"

I know that the belly eventually goes back and the baby weight gets lost. Not, like, when you leave the hospital like every. single. mama. secretly wishes or anything, but eventually. I know that regardless of the platform social media gives the people who are like, "Opinions! I has them!", nothing matters except what your little fam' needs; not when someone else feeds their kid, puts them to sleep, what brand clothing they put their kid(s) in. Kind of an everyone-else-can-suck-it type thing. Truth bomb.

I look back at all the time Jake slept as a newbie. It was like a boob-and-bed situation with him. And, a diaper change, obvio. I remember not freaking out, but not fully taking that sigh of relief that he was asleep and I'd have an opportunity to do whatever I needed.

I know that this time the challenge will be adapting to having two kids; making sure Jake still has his needs met and doesn't feel left out, while getting Baby Sister the pretty constant care she needs. BUT, the thing about this time is that I know we'll all survive.There's not one thing outside this house that matters. We'll find our new. And, although, it won't be a pretty picture with dishes piling up in the sink and being behind on 2, or 3, or 17 loads of laundry, it'll be ours. And, it'll be fine. The thing I know this time is that I love these babies more than I will ever in my entire life be able to describe and that's all that matters. The rest figures itself out.

This time, the great thing is that I don't have one expectation of myself except keeping two kids happy and healthy.

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