Sunday, August 26, 2012

That time we almost went extinct.

We were sick all last week.

In the entire 16 months I've been pregnant in my 27 years, I've never been sick while pregnant and, you should know, it's one of the worst things that could ever happen in the history of ever.

So, I've felt strong, and good, and physically capable this pregnancy. I had no idea I could feel this good at just past 7 months into the person-making time. If I didn't have a belly I'd honestly forget I was pregnant.

Until last week when I could've sworn I was going to die.

I think the Hitler-version of the cold we had lasted so long not only because my body's resources are used up growing our tiny girl, but because Jake and I just kept passing it back and forth since we didn't have a third party that could come in with their white horse and clean bill of health to pick up our sad selves.

Neither of us were sleeping well; neither of us had much interest in food. We'd lump ourselves onto the couch, watch way more TV than we ever do in this house, munch on Goldfish, and wipe each other's noses.

I think Jake had a, relatively, standard cold. He had the nasty, awful, phlegmy cough and a snot-faucet. He felt awful, and I hated seeing my tiny man like that. But, I feel like mine was a 'go big or go home' version of the cold. I started out feeling short of breath, then the phlegmy-cough, then the snot-faucet, then the mild fever, then the gnarly sore throat--with subsequent voice loss. Because of all my body was going through, I also got to enjoy headaches and nausea. I'd take two hot showers a day, just so I could keep the congestion from keeping me from breathing, and just sit on the floor of the tub and cry. It's not like I'm close enough to anyone out here to send someone a text and say, "I'm about to die. Please come take our trash to the curb, pick up some cold meds for Jake, and bring me a Diet 7-Up" I had to power through. It's amazing what you can do with lack of options.

Crying because you just can't take another day of the sickness + caring for a toddler + mildly running a house by yourself isn't funny. It's really not. But, it was almost comical how little I cared about the house. Dishes were all Jenga-d in the sink; there were diapers in various parts of the house dying to be washed; I turned anything, and everything, within arm's reach into a snot rag. So cute...

I think my saddest moment was when I was half-awake on the couch, as J was upstairs napping, and dropped my phone. It rolled under the couch and my first thought was, "Well, fuck. Guess that's gone forever"


Just another deployment-curveball I'm proud to say we kicked the shit out of.

Although it was probably a combo of the plague-like illness running its course and my natural remedies, I'm still passing this intel along: If you're ever in my situation where you're up shit creek without a paddle (can't even bring yourself to leave the house for any type of meds), here are three homemade remedies that I can almost guarantee will work for you:

1) Tea and a ton of honey (OK. so you've all heard of that one before. Whatevs.)
But, be generous with the honey. It coated my throat enough where I could squeak out sentences to Jake without wanting to die. I text my friend Amy, after forgetting I had a sore throat and let out a full-blast cough, "It feels like my throat has a UTI" But, after the tea and honey it was much more manageable.

2) Hot water (8oz) + honey + apple cider vinegar
You're only supposed to do a tbsp of the honey and the vinegar. But, in my desperation, I added a lot more than that. For those that don't know, apple cider vinegar is seriously amazing. It does all kind of great stuff for your insides. It's actually not a bad idea to take a couple tbsp's a day just because of its amazing benefits. That being said, this concoction tastes like hate. It's not cute. And, I can't even decide which is worse, the smell or the taste. But, very soon after I started taking it there was a noticeable difference. It brought me back from the dead.

3) Cinnamon and honey
Got this off Pinterest for cold-ease. 1 tsp honey, 1/4 tsp cinnamon 3 times a day. I took the 3 servings all at once. I think it definitely does take the edge off.

These things, along with my madre and good friends to text-check on me, saved me. And, practically made up my diet last week. If you're sick, DO THEM.

And, the great thing? That week is behind us! Now to pick up some more things for our baby girl, take my mini man out of this house to celebrate life, and put on clothes! Should I have mentioned, last week, the only thing I found comfortable were jammie pants, or shorts, and a sports bra? Well, it's true. And, now I find shirts insensible.

I will be thankful that this has shown me what I'm capable of. In case you haven't heard, I have a newborn coming my way and it really shows me that this, too, shall pass.

But, know what it also shows me? That even if I'm sure I have not one ounce of anything left in me, I can really dig my nails in like a sonofabeech.

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